How to make birthday dinner for your better half

Alright guys, I promised recipes, so here we are. My better half just had a birthday, so I made food for her. Fortunately, she had a three hour class that evening, so she was spared having to witness the process. She ate the food, so it must not have been too bad. Here's how to replicate my efforts.

Spaghetti sauce:

Chop up around ten or so mushrooms, a bell pepper, a good sized onion and 2 or 3 cloves of garlic. In a large deep frying pan, sauté these in some olive oil. Yes, OLIVE oil--not rapeseed oil, you cheap bastard. After they have sautéed for a while, add your seasonings (if you season right away, they will purge water and not be able to crispify. That would be bad). Season with Lowry's seasoning salt, Cavender's greek seasoning (If you don't have this, go get it), oregano, basil, brewer's yeast (If you don't have this, and aren't on your way to get it, you aren't my friend). If you are lucky, you'll have a box of National Foods Shami Kabab Masala that your uncle bought in Pakistan back in the 70s in your pantry, but I don't think any of you fools are that lucky. Add a lid full or so of white vinegar, and stir it all around in its purged water for a while. When you get tired of stirring, add a 1 lb 10 oz jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce. Add a bit of extra water to the empty jar after you are done to clean it out/thin the sauce a little bit. (If you have more time than I had, grab the tomato paste/puree/pieces and so forth and do it right. But if you seasoned correctly, it will be great even with the canned stuff). At this point, add a bunch of Parmesan cheese, and keep adding the previous ingredients (if in doubt, more brewers yeast) until it tastes perfect.

Serve on angel hair with dollops of sour cream on top.

Garlic bread:

In a small pan, melt a mixture of 1/2 stick butter, 2T margarine and 3T olive oil. Add 3 to 5 cloves of pressed garlic. Add Lowry's, Cavenders, Parmesan cheese and lots of brewers yeast. Once it's all well mixed, spread on some artisan French bread. Put in the oven at 400 degrees for 5 to 10 mins, depending on how crispy you would like it.

Salad:

Chop up some romaine lettuce, and add some assorted baby field greens (what did you just call me?). Chop up two of the best tomatoes you can find. For the dressing, create a mixture of olive oil, white vinegar, and lemon juice. Put in some Lowry's and Cavenders (you'd better make sure you got large containers of those) and some bacon bits. Toss into the salad.

Strawberry Cheesecake:

Take 9 honey graham crackers (one little baggy thing) and blend it up. You should get about 1 cup of crumbs. Add blended walnuts until you have a total of about 1 1/4 cup. Add 1/4 cup of sugar and 1/3 cup melted butter, and mix into a paste that you can press into an appropriately sized pan for the crust. Don't be me and use too small of a pan. Put the crusted pan in the refrigerator to harden.

Blend up 1lb of frozen strawberries along with 1T of cornstarch. Boil mixture for a couple of minutes, and put aside 1/3 cup of the mixture. Put the rest in the refrigerator.

Beat until fluffy 24 oz of cream cheese. You'll probably have to warm it up slightly so it is soft enough to beat. Add and thoroughly mix in 1 can of sweetened condensed milk. Beat in 3 eggs, and 1/4 cup lemon juice. Spoon in some of this mixture into the pan, then drizzle some of the 1/3 cup of strawberries from before. Alternate this process until it's all been added. If you are more artistic than I am, you might be able to make it look nice and swirly. Bake at 300 degrees for 50 minutes. Serve with the remaining strawberry sauce. Note: If your significant other has a birthday in April or May, you might want to find out if he or she is tired of having had strawberry based deserts for every single birthday of her life BEFORE you make this.

Anyway, there you go. Not too difficult, but it makes for a pretty good meal. Now, go buy some brewers yeast, and bon appetit.